Things You Shouldn’t Do

Feed the zoo animals. You shouldn't do that.Mix ammonia with bleach.  That's bad.Shave and eat cereal while driving.  True story. I used to see a guy do this on the beltway at least once a week.  You also shouldn't get the stomach flu and decide to forgo taking your meds and then forget to take your meds for almost a full week.  It can cause withdrawal.  Me, being wicked smot, did just that this Christmas and spent Christmas Eve and Christmas day in bed sick with what I thought was the flu.Again.Except, yesterday, after days of jittery nerves, total exhaustion (I slept 19 of the 24 in Christmas) and a sick stomach I had a thought.  A break in the fog that had become my brain.  I hadn't taken my Celexa in days.  Holy shite.  I'm going through … [Read more...]

Parenthood- An Abundance of Gross

Quite often I am the lucky recipient of incredibly gross behavior that requires me to say things that are even beyond my disgusting, perverse comprehension. I am the one who wanted a book called, "The Wonders of the Scab." Parenthood however has revealed a whole other level of nastiness."Stop putting things in your butt and trying to eat them!"  "You cannot eat the snotty tissue, even if your Father did leave them all over the bedroom floor." There is obviously the normal ones too-"Don't pick your nose.""Don't pick your nose and eat it.""You cannot pick your  nose and wipe it on your bedroom walls.""Yes, you do have to wipe.""No, wiping does not consist of smearing poop on the bathtub." Sigh.  I'm exhausted just typing up this list of disgusting things.  … [Read more...]

Ugh. Family Illness. Hard.

Earlier this week I was back in my old stomping grounds.  A work trip brought me to Rhode Island and the southern part of Conneticutt.  While there I indulged in a bit of nostalgia by driving around, visiting old haunts (apparently my high school health teacher is now our school principal. huh.) and soaking in the senic views that part of the country has in abundance.  Maybe it was being so close to where I grew up, driving by the house my family built or working at a place my father has been so many times for his own job but I just couldn't shake the thoughts of him and how life and distance has made me feel that I know him less than I did before.  Sure, I can tell you the facts and that the man likes to fish but what's his favorite fish? I don't know.  … [Read more...]

My Marriage the Infomercial

This whole marriage counseling thing is like a giant ball of string. You pull one piece and the ball gets to unraveling and suddenly I feel as if our relationship has turned into a cheesy infomercial.Look at this mess!  It needs help!  Get counseling!  One dose of counseling will start working with super soaking power packed action!  You'll talk more! Be more honest!  Get heartfelt and say all those things you never thought you would share with anyone!Feeling angry and confused?  We've got that too!  Just throw in some anger management and we've got you covered!But wait! There's more!  Have intimacy issues?  Why not try this style of counseling for better connection. For just one additional session you too can have the closeness you crave.Sigh.I … [Read more...]

Where’s Mummy?

While you all have been enjoying first snows, holiday extravaganza's and foods I've been puking them up with a bout of food poisoning. I said I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy but I think I actually might, just for a much longer duration.  I'm sure H is quite done with emptying puke receptacles and applying cold compresses to my neck as I yell, "H! MAKE IT END!" over and over again.  One good thing as Lattes and Life pointed out, I'm down a few more baby weight pounds.  Now that is a happy holiday gift to me!  A few more weeks of shredding and I should be pre-Fifth Element weight.  In other news, and on healthier days, I am here-TheFind has the amazing Dolce & Gabbana Lip Jewel Compact. I heart this thing so bad.  MPR has The Koobli for messy … [Read more...]

Fear Leaving the Body

I've been feeling too sick and tired lately to do anything but my paid work.  Having food chucked at me, wiping snot off noses other than my own and being woken up more than once a night is just wearing me down.  I think you all come here for my honesty but not for the humdrum of our daily lives.  I've decided to try the '30 Days of Truth' to get my writing flowing again.  Day One- Something You Hate About Yourself.  Geez.Really?That sounds like an awfully negative way to start.  OK, here goes.I hate how I let a fear of failure get in my way.  I've gotten better as I have gotten older and seen that this fear will get me nowhere but as a kid it was always there like a shadow lurking just behind me, whispering in my ear that it was just easier and … [Read more...]

Murphy’s Law

It's Murphy's Law that I go away for a weekend and get some much needed rest and re-connection with H only to come home sick with two sick kids.  It's Murphy's Law that I have a meeting today that would actually put money in my pocket and now I have to cancel because the only time the pediatrician could see a severely wheezing Comedian was during that said meeting.It's Murphy's Law that has me looking at mountains of work that needs to be done, the motivation to finally do that work and the energy, despite being sick, and the sitter decides to not even show up today or return my calls.  You know what though?  I don't care. I'll get over being mad at the sitter and losing some money.  I'll get the work done somehow too.  It's more important that I take care of … [Read more...]

Is There a Plan C?

A week or so ago I mentioned that I had some "stunning" news.  That news would be that after the debacle that was Mirena and some malfunctions on Lifestyles part and Plan B, it has come to our notice that now we need a Plan C. I'm pregnant.  This my friends, was not planned. We, well I, was done.  No more pregnancies, no more babies and puking up my insides for months on end.  No more ginormous boobs to contend with as well as puffiness, cankles, or pants that don't stay up. My breeding days were over. Ha! I feel like the Grand Pumpkin that comes to life in the Simpsons Treehouse of Horrors spoof.  He is fed pumpking bread by Milhouse and then screams, "Revenge!" and sets out to eat all the little children at the Halloween party.  Yes, Lifestyles and … [Read more...]

I Have Issues

Clearly, I have issues.  I realized this at two different times today.  First, I yelled at the gym television that was playing Fox "news".  I yelled, "Shut the F*ck up!  You are so IGNORANT!"  I mumbled something about "fallacies, bad research and fair and balanced my ass" when I realized that my right hand was extending and giving Fox the bird.  It seems I have some built up testosterone in my system this week.  The cold that has be flagging has also taken me away from any gym time.  I didn't make it to kickboxing. I haven't gone on any runs either.  The idea of Body Pump or Boxing is just laughable.  I kept thinking if I just took it easy, as much as you can with two small kids, I would feel better.  The. Cold. Is. Still. … [Read more...]

The 10k FAIL?

So...I'm supposed to run this thing called a 10k in a few weeks. December 13 to be exact. A few weeks back this seemed like a fabulous idea. Then I got sick. The cold from hell descended on our humble abode and took all of us, minus TD, under. It was like some Kraken from the deep. Everyone got better except me. Two weeks later, still sick and crying from the sheer sick of being sick syndrome I headed to my local Urgent Care one night this week.Sinus Infection. No wonder I felt like my face was imploding, cracking and generally falling apart with pain. Throughout this time of plague I haven't been able to run. Weeks of no running have gone by. I got three miles in, maybe. There's been no cross-training, no training runs. No nothing. The coughing, the body aches, the lack of … [Read more...]