How to Prevent Marriage Issues Caused By Home Renovation

Doing your own home renovations can be stressful enough to cause issues in a solid marriage. It's possible to avoid this if you follow a few tips and you will be glad to get both an improved home and a tighter bond. Have a look at five ways in which you can do home renovations and prevent marriage issues successfully. Find the Line of Best Fit Working on a home renovation with a family calls for a lot of compromises. A whole room may become un-occupiable for a certain length of time, for instance. This will mean that some members of the family won't have access to the privacy or comforts they're used to having, at least for a while. For this reason, it's advisable to find the best way to work around this by sharing a room or not taking part in activities like crafting or working on a … [Read more...]

We Still Remember

I'm reluctant to post about 9/11 despite the ten year anniversary. It isn't that I feel such a distance from that day that I have nothing to say. It is that I wonder what is so important about what I have to say regarding that day. I'm glad it is on a Sunday this year when people will not have to be at work but can do what they wish with the day. Spend it however they need to and not be tied to as much responsibility. All this week I step out my front door and realize each day has a brilliant blue sky. Cloud free and calm. I am reminded of September 11. I don't need any commemorative coin or magazine in my mailbox. I just have to look at the sky. That sky will forever remain in my memory. We had gotten married just days before and arrived home late the night of the tenth. We threw … [Read more...]

Huzzah! Marriage Counseling for Everyone!

OK.  So I'm not giving away free counseling sessions or anything like that.  But I realized yesterday that frequently people ask me, "How is marriage counseling going these days?"  Yes, people do really ask me this. My most common reply is this, "You know, no one ever teaches you how to be married.  It's going really well. I don't know why more people don't do it." It's true.  They say that what you see from your parents relationship imprints itself on you as the model for how relationships and/or marriage should be.  However, that is a faulty template.  You were a child not seeing the whole picture of that relationship.  Almost as if you were the Titanic seeing only the tip of the iceberg and not what was lying just below the surface.  As a child you were immature and could not process … [Read more...]

Marriage Can Be Fucking Hard- Part II

H asked me this question recently, "Does it always have to be this hard?  Will it ever get easier?"  I took him to mean our life as a whole and hopefully not just our marriage or parenting because man, once you put those two together it is just downright exhausting.  They say the Army is the toughest job you will ever love but the dude who made up that slogan was clearly single and childless.I believe it will get easier but not for a long time.  When you are an overachieving couple who travel for work and you throw three kids under five into the mix and a dog that loves to just drop "nuggets" all willy nilly onto the floor whenever she feels like it, life is not just a bit busy it is downright spastic.  Coordinating a family schedule is like creating strategic war … [Read more...]

Words Opened Doors

Someone said to me recently, "You have to start being really careful about what you put on Facebook."  And no, it wasn't my mother that said this.  When I asked what this person was talking about it all had to do with Words.  Of course.Except, here is the thing, Facebook picks up my blog.  Words was picked up and posted there just like all the others.  I'm fine with that. H is fine with that.  Yes, it was deeply personal but anyone that knows me also knows that being deeply personal is pretty much what I am all about.  I've talked about the raw, dark deal that Post Partum Depression is- twice.  I've written about domestic violence and its personal ties to me.  So there's that.Since Words, things have changed in our house.  That post opened … [Read more...]

Words

Words.  They are powerful.  Once they are said you can't take them back.  They float out there and then immerse themselves into your brain and your heart and live there forever taking up a permanent residence.Words can take away love.Words can break a trust.Words wound and slash away at memories, clouding the ways things are now forever viewed.They erode a life and cause so much doubt.The songs that used to make my heart beat stronger with love and happiness now only cause heartache and a deep sadness and feelings of wonder.  I wonder what happened and where did it all go so wrong.I look in the mirror and think, "Is this really the face of a woman that you now hate?  That makes you so angry?"  I doubt your love. I don't believe you.  How can I when what … [Read more...]

Continuing Education

I feel I have been so serious lately.  I've been focused on getting back to work, getting back into shape, getting into being the mother of three instead of just two little girls.  It is all so time consuming.  Such a massive run around that has me dedicating a lot of time to my own endeavors.  I like it most of the time but it is certainly not balanced and it leads me to writing posts like this one. It stresses me out that I can't continue the path that my parents put me on to complete a college education, it has become difficult with all of the responsibilities that I have, but if I ever get a chance to get back on that path I will definitely call a college admissions counselor to help me with that dream. All the exhaustion has skewed life and made me less communicative too.  Surly, … [Read more...]

Marriage Can Be Fucking Hard

I went for a run the other day and before I was even a block away from my house I coughed up some tears.  My face crumpled, tears flowed and emotion vomited out of me right on the street in from of my house.  I was powerless to squelch it no matter how many times I tried to resume running and stifle the sobs.  I wanted to find a bench and sit with my knees to my chest and just let it all out.Instead I sucked in a few deep breaths, cranked up some Isaac Hayes on my iPod and started pounding the pavement hard and fast.  I blocked out all thoughts with the sounds of music. Hayes progressed into Steel Dragon (Heh) and then into Depeche Mode and I found myself running even faster.  I was yelling without even realizing it. I am quite sure I looked like a total nut … [Read more...]

The Revolving Door

Lately it seems that things have been a bit off-kilter. If one of us is home the other is out. When another one returns a few others leave. Our home has become a revolving door the last few months and it has begun to take its toll.It's been fun. All those nights out, trips away and time with friends and family. The girls have gone to cities, on trains and seen many sights. H has been loading up on frequent flier and hotel stay miles as well. It is exciting to return but our life has taken on a chaotic air. Each time we are apart it gets just a bit harder to reconnect with one another. Each night away creates a bit more distance in our hearts and it is not hard to see why all those Hollywood types hook up with their co-stars. Absence may make the heart grow fonder but not in every … [Read more...]

Cheeseburgers & Vodka

Scene: I've just come home from an entire day of doing nothing but hanging out with an old friend. As I'm about to exit my car I spy H walking up the sidewalk to get the mail.V: Now, there's a fine piece of man!H turns and smiles and keeps walking. I enter our house which is quiet and empty feeling from a day of no one but the dog being home. H: I'm a fine piece of man who brings home vodka and cheeseburgers!Talk about perfection. … [Read more...]