Your Preschooler

When you are a new Mom and you see the school signs of the school your child is going to attend to, you feel super excited. Then you become a parent and you don't have much time for that what with the spit-up, the 18 wardrobe changes a day (one for you, 17 for baby) and pureed food splattering your walls like the latest crime scene from Dexter.  Months, years go by and you realize your inbox is still getting these sweet little updates. "This week your preschooler will love going outdoors and collecting leaves, acorns and pine cones.  Make a fun collage, take pictures and enjoy the fall weather..." Reality:  Hm... sounds fun.  Except we head outdoors and she has no interest in the leaves or acorns. She wants to rip down my neighbors decorative yard border and pick up all the worms on … [Read more...]

She’s Four and Getting Married

I guess I should be happy. She has good taste in er, boys.  A few weeks ago a mother to a boy in TD's class informed me that TD was her son's "Lady Love" and that they were "betrothed".  "Don't freak out." She said.  "We've been reading Robin Hood and that is how they talk and how the book refers to Maid Marian." OK, then.They hold hands going into school.  They have playdates and in general, are similar and just genuinely like each others company.  It's a match made in preschool heaven when you find someone who eats the same organic snacks and hates loud noises like you do.  Right?But TD might be two-timing her man.  Today she told me, "I'm marrying Reilly.  I'll hold flowers and then we'll hold hands after we're married because that … [Read more...]

Morale Needs to Improve

Starting the day with one eye barely cracked open and a Tiny Dictator already whining right into your ear is not the best way to start one's day, much less the week.One of the parts about parenting that I loathe the most is 'Mean Mommy'.  Immediately having to become 'Mean Mommy' before I have even placed a foot on the bedroom floor never mind had my morning coffee is not going to win you any prizes.  Yet, here we are another start to a day beginning with crying.  I still don't know what she was so upset about. I never could get it out of her.I wrote about the whining a few months back. I was at a loss, as was H.  The day after I wrote that post TD miraculously turned herself around. We breathed a sigh of relief that the terrible phase was over and moved on … [Read more...]

Overheards- The Presidential Edition

Scene:  We are in the car running errands.  TD is quietly singing and talking to herself.TD:  Ronald Reeeeaaaagan, Ronald Reeeeaaagan and Baraaack Ooobaaama are the two bestest Presidents and friends!  They love each oooother sooo much. They are Presidents right now!  Ronald Reeeaaagan....Her facts might not be right but does love them both.  She has no idea I found a copy of Newsweek with Obama on the cover hidden under her comforter.  She likes to keep it there while she sleeps.  A portrait of Reagan hangs on her closet door.  She's proof you can see both sides.  Heh. … [Read more...]

The Bad Lady Gaga

Now, I know I am clearly a Lady Gaga freak, but the Tiny Dictator has become a tad obsessed.  Who am I kidding?  Dictators are never a 'tad' anything.  All I get all day long is one request, "Momma! I want Lady Gaga.  The bad Lady Gaga! The bad Lady Gaga LOUD!"So, here is what I see about a bazillion times a day.  Apparently dictators also like to try their hand at break dancing. … [Read more...]

The Chateau Whinery

If you see me with my shoulders hunched up, gritting my teeth and only smiling during my thirty second vacation, it is probably due to the fact that I live with "Wendy the Whiner". Holy hell. The three's. Are they over yet? I had to laugh when I read this post (it is A LOT like possession) because this last year has been tough. Really tough. I feel like I'm climbing Mt. Everest and my boots have no spikes. It's all uphill ice and I keep slipping back to base camp one. No matter what "techniques" we employ the whining continues."The beatings will continue until morale improves." No, not really but that quote runs through my head and H's more often than not. It's not just whining when she doesn't get her way, which I understand is frustrating. Trust me, I would like nothing more than to … [Read more...]

Overheards- Hmph!

Scene: H, the girls and I are celebrating The Comedian's birthday with a dinner out. TD is dismayed at our choice of venue. TD: Hmph! This isn't a good restaurant. It's not pretty and it smells!H: What does it smell like? TD: (She grumbles) Smelly. It smells like hot dogs....A little while later-TD: (Surveying the restaurant from our table.) Hmph! No one is looking at me! This is a birthday. People in the restaurant are supposed to be looking at The Comedian and they aren't! She continues to give the restaurant the stink-eye and refuses to eat her macaroni and cheese. Later she tells us that, "This place is NO Red Robin." … [Read more...]

Overheards- The Cardboard Box

V: TD, did you take a nap today?TD: Yes Momma, I took a good nap. I slept in a cardboard box.V: You slept in a carboard box?TD: Yeah, it was comfy. I like it better than my bed. I looked at H and said, "Well that's great. Her future is already mapped out isn't it?" … [Read more...]

Overheards- Eat Your Veggies

Scene: TD and I have spent the morning running errands. Stuck at a stoplight and noshing on some lunch time treats we are on our way home for the remainder of the day. TD: "Momma? Can we have veg-ah-tahbuhls when we get home and have dinner tonight?"V: "Yes, of course. We always do. Why?"TD: "Oh, good! Because if you don't eat your veg-ah-tahbuhls then you cough up blood and die!"V: Coughing on a piece of I turn around to look at her. "Whaaat? Why would you cough up blood?"TD: "Like Mem's cousin. He coughed up blood and died."V: "Of course!" I think to myself, mentally smacking my forehead with my hand. Mem. "Uh, TD, Mem's cousin didn't die because he didn't eat his vegetables. He died because of alcoholism and smoking." Lengthy discussion about what alcoholism and the … [Read more...]