Last Friday I had my ultrasound appointment for my right breast. In the days leading up to it I could barely sleep. I felt exhausted mentally and then physically. Each night I would lie down and my brain, lethargic during the day would instantly whir to life. All the cogs moving at warp speed and what felt like a million thoughts began zipping along my own personal information super highway. I wasn't trying to be full of doom and gloom but with the pain persisting in my breast there was this constant reminder that something just wasn't right. I dreaded the ultrasound but couldn't wait for my questions to be answered. I couldn't take this lack of sleep and constant feeling of worry settling in my stomach. Questioning your mortality is one thing but throw in a husband and two kids … [Read more...]
On Life, Death and Our Children
I have never felt so inadequate or so much like an adult as when I attended my friend's mothers funeral a few weeks ago. I was alone in attending and unlike other funerals I didn't have my grandmother, or my father or my husband to lean on. As I sat there listening to my friend and her sister eulogize their mother with such tremendous poise and grace I felt that we were passing into a new phase of our lives that needed plenty past life healing. Our parents are dying now. We have officially grown up. Then I thought back to my childhood and remembered a few of my school friends whose parents passed away due to long illnesses while we were still in grade school. In first grade I celebrated my birthday with cupcakes at 8 a.m. so that the whole class could attend a fellow classmates fathers … [Read more...]