Things making me cranky this week-I took the all three kids to the dentist on Tuesday. TD was getting her six month check-up and The Comedian was going for the first time. It was 3 p.m. and I knew we were chancing it. It could have been so much worse, I know that. The Comedian could have kicked and screamed in the chair. The Fifth Element could have cried and fussed more than she did. As it was, corralling a two year-old while her big sister gets her teeth cleaned and simultaneously trying to rock a baby in a carrier while she screams is a tough feat. When we got home I ate six snack sized Kit-Kat bars in a moment of stressed out weakness. Yup. Did I mention I also smeared them in peanut butter before cramming them into my piehole? Oh … [Read more...]
The Wednesday Crank
I don't know what is going on right now but people are seriously cranky out there today. I have a cold and deadlines and I would much rather be laying in bed watching bad television and nursing this two week long snot-fest but I'm not cranky. Except when I see this stuff then I get all firey, 'van down by the river', Andy Rooney like cranky- Amazon has a Kindle book for sale that is a 'how to' on pedophilia. Yes, really. It's got us Twitter folks all up in arms. Even those who may not have babes in them. Just sick and wrong Amazon. Flag this as innappropriate, people. Let's get it off the site.That kid from the new 2011 Toyota Highlander commercials. I sort of want to beat his little snot-nosed, leather bomber wearing jacket self up each time I see … [Read more...]
Not at My Best
It was the best of times. It was the warts of times. Warts, worst, whatever. I feel like an angry, old hag covered in warts right about now anyway. Vacation bliss is a distant memory. It's been a week of Braxton Hicks, little sleep, too much baby prep and testing of the parents. H can't sleep with me because I'm a "loud breather" right now and I toss and turn so much these days while simultaneously moaning that I keep him up half the night. After he leaves our precious munchkins feel the need to wake me up with requests such as, "My skin is dry. I need lotion. Lotion all over my entire body." It's 1 a.m. I momentarily thought of shoving the lotion into the room via basket and telling TD, "It's puts the lotion on the skin..." See? I'm … [Read more...]
The Black Dahlia Brightens My Day
I woke up feeling a sense of panic this morning. Surely, it had to be almost 8 a.m. That seems to be the only time I have dreams bordering on the hysterical yet macabre. Having just broken free from the depths of my latest escapade within my brain-It regarded The Black Dahlia case being cracked wide open as I had just received a package that was not a product review but in fact a dead bird and part of a severed torso. I had the key to solving this decades old mystery in a plastic wrapped USPS box. Goody! Oh, and did I mention that when I called the cops to tell them what I had just received in the mail they sent over some of their finest. Also seen last season on the now defunct television show, 'The Unusuals'? I digress. It was just 6 a.m. and the girls … [Read more...]
Mary Poppins Can Bite Me
It was a beautiful fall day. The sun was out, the air crisp. The crackle of new library books was all around. Sounds like bliss, right? I should have been beaming, right?Except I wasn't. As I opened the kitchen windows to let in that gorgeous fall breeze all I could think was, "Today is one of those days I wish I was back in an office." I would rather deal with jackass project managers who can't think for themselves, defense contracts and engineers with yellow teeth and even more yellow fingernails than be in the house with my kids today. Or even out of the house with them.My jaw hurt from gritting my teeth. My shoulders were hunched up to my ears and my upper back was burning from it all. I has missed my morning run due to a sick, teething baby and the whole house looked like a plastic … [Read more...]
I’m Not Winning Any Awards Over Here
It's been one of those weeks where I'm quite sure my neighbors are thinking, "What in the world is going on over there!?! That crazy lady's kids are always crying!" Umm... yeah. I feel like I should be labeled with 'The Worst Mother of the Year' award.It is not that I'm sitting back trying to catch up on a season's worth of Grey's Anatomy or anything either. I'm simply trying to just get through each and every day. No matter what I do though there is always crying or whining in the background. I try to take out the trash and there is crying. I am loading or unloading the dishwasher and someone begins to whine. I am trying to keep the floor clean and both kids are going at once. This is not a case of trying to keep it all pristine and perfect either. I know too well that lesson that … [Read more...]
A Case of the Monday’s
I think my head exploded in my sleep last night. I keep hearing "sounds like someone has a case of the Monday's..." in my head and my cranky pants are already chafing me. It is barely 9 a.m.Hooray for days without sleep! Watch out world! Mummy is feeling crazy and has already gone off the rails! I'm a single parent for a few days and all TD can say is, "I want my Daddy." Probably because tired, ass-dragging, non-working out Mommy has become 'Mean Mommy' full of deadlines, tasks and little patience. I have the hardest time going to sleep and staying asleep these days and yet I'm exhausted beyond belief. I wouldn't even let myself watch 'True Blood' last night in fear that it would further inhibit my sleep mojo. As it was I fell asleep reading 'My Booky Wook' on my chest. I'm sure … [Read more...]
Sleep is My Precious
I was all set to post about well erm.. nothing... I am a zombie. A tired zombie of a woman with bags under her eyes the size of Arkansas. And I was getting a nap. Then TD decided to not nap today and woke me up with her chirpy in your face voice just as I was drifting off. The one day I got both kids to nap at the same time since Dash Two was born. My whole body hurts I'm so freakin' tired and now I could or actually am just tearing up thinking about my lost sleep. It's either cry or just hurl things in rage.I hate everyone who is getting sleep right now. I curse them. Oh yeah... I was going to post about holiday goodness and blah, blah, blah. Seriously? Who cares. My black heart doesn't despite ordering cheerful cards today. I'm too pissy from exhaustion to think about the holidays … [Read more...]
It’s Preschools Fault If My Water Breaks Today
Howdy Folks!It seems to be that time right about now. The point in our program where I begin that final countdown (Aztec Tomb, anyone?). Today, hits the 'ONE MONTH TO GO' mark. Can you feel my excitement? Or is that just the pain I've recently inflicted on you with the purple nurples and kicks to the groin (or sappy posts) I feel like giving everyone so they can know my pain too. I am a real ball of joy right now let me tell you.Nope. There is nothing like waking up late on field trip day and having a deadline all while trying to pack snacks, get a toddler to make up her mind about breakfast then stick to her plan of eating it, while trying to shower and not curse the weather AGAIN today. Seriously, WHERE THE F is Fall? I want my sweaters and no more 80 degree days! I want to keep … [Read more...]
Things that Make Me Cranky
I had that wrung out look about me yesterday. I just couldn't seem to get or hold my shit together for the life of me. Sure, I made it out the door and did the good mom thing by taking TD to a new and exciting playground but once we were there I got a case of the crankies. Or just maintained them it can be hard to tell with my roller coaster hormones these days.Things that Make Me Cranky-1. Heavy playground talk. Yes, I love politics and discussing them. Sometimes my head explodes listening to various opinions too. I draw the line though at discussing weighty world issues while pushing my kid on the swings. I don't want to think about the Taliban, child-rape cases, incest, warring countries, the suck-ass economic predicament our country is in or abortion. That's way too heavy dude and I'm … [Read more...]