The other night while awaiting the opening act at the DC Improv H and I got into the discussion, "Is there a difference between being a Redneck and being White Trash?" Initially, I thought no. I'm a Yankee with a side of WASP thrown in for good measure so what do I know? I don't talk through my jaw or anything but I've been known to get all in your face in the nicest most conflict-free, passive aggressive way about manners, the importance of thank you notes and general day to day etiquette. H, who admits to having a nice chunk of Redneck in him (the man cleaned his shot gun twice this week.) says White Trash can technically be anywhere location-wise (W.T. goes global!) but Rednecks are typically a southern only thing. White Trash constitutes a lack of manners and is prone to fighting. So … [Read more...]
Do You Think in Facebook?
My addiction to Facebook was becoming too much, so for the past few weeks I've tried to ignore it. I'm not poking anyone or sending any garden variety type items anyone's way. Who really needs a virtual Mai Tai? Not me. I dream about zombies enough, I don't need to be attacked by them online. After a few days sans FB I realized something. My need to post my status in tiny sentences had taken over my thoughts. I had begun to think in Facebook.For example, I would all of a sudden be thinking about the Muppets and Pigs in Space and my brain would process it this way-Vicky is thinking of Pigs in Space. Next time on Pigs in Space...orVicky thinks that Victoria Secret needs to get a new ad campaign. It's only been a decade and they are still hawking their Angel bra as the best bra "ever!" … [Read more...]
Yeah, I’m That Anal
I woke up at five this morning and not because Dash Two (she really needs a better name now. We're just waiting for some personality besides pooping to come through.) woke me up. I was thinking about the furniture in our den and sighing with the stress of it all. Why?Because the new couch is being delivered today and that old stuff needed to be moved out "NOW!" my brain screamed. I knew it was all still laying about down there sucking up precious new couch space (seats nine!) and I wanted it gone. "NOW!", my brain screamed again. Did I dare wake up and move the couch, coffee table, baby swing and chair myself? Along with all of TD's toys? Or should I wait until a more normal hour losing precious furniture moving seconds and enlist H to help me? I couldn't sleep from the sheer … [Read more...]
Alone Again
Well, this is odd. There are dishes in my sink. They have been there all day too. I don't know why they are not in the dishwasher or already clean and sparkly in my cabinets.Oh, right.My Mom left last night. There's no one to answer TD's endless "Why?" and "Why not?" questions that just go in circles either. The laundry is done, but for how long? The house seems so quiet without the whistling of the tea kettle throughout the day and evening. There's no one asking me why I continue to own an iron that doesn't recoil properly or where my paper napkins are. It's downright disconcerting on some levels.Who will cook dinner tonight? Oh, right. Now I remember... me. Damn. … [Read more...]
The State of Things
Maybe it's the fact that I walked ten miles today and got up at the butt crack of dawn. Maybe it's that H is gone and T.D. and I have ensconced ourselves in some silly dream world where we no longer live in the world of responsibilities and adult behavior but in lax land where everyday is man 'n' cheese day and pajamas are de rigeur. We've rocked out to 'Slow Ride' by Foghat more times than I can count. Toys are piled on furniture. The television is always on in some room if only for the noise. Last I looked some constant loop of 'Lost' was playing in the kitchen. I can't even bring myself to look at laundry monster that is lurking, growling and taking over the upstairs of my house. A zit has taken up residence on my face the size of Bolivia and if it doesn't go away soon I might take a … [Read more...]
No, I can’t go for that. No can do…
(Are you singing Hall & Oates now? What about now? Am I crazy for lovin' them? H says it shows my remarkably bad taste in loser music.)Because it is day 45 (no I'm not pregnant) and I feel like I've been pmsing for the last million days (To those who live near me, I'm sorry. I don't like it either. I'm really trying to be nice, cuddly and such but my hormones are whack yo and it makes it hard to feel human-like) I'm posting things that irritate me or I just plain don't get.1. Chit-chat in the Express line at Safeway (aka the Seventh Ring of Hell). It's the EXPRESS line people. I'm all for a friendly customer-cashier relationship and all but when the line is four and a half people deep and that half person is trying to use the conveyor belt as a place to do the moon walk, read/throw … [Read more...]
Welcome to McDonald’s. May I Help You?
There I was running errands and so hungry I was about to chew my arm off. Either that or eat some of the tasty stuffing that Nissan has lovingly provided. I looked at the dashboard clock and realized it was close to dinner. I was in no mood to cook for just T.D. and I. I decided to grit my teeth and not think about the harm I was doing to myself or my child and just suck up the fact that tonight we were doing the drive-thru. I needed fries. Twice in one month mind you. I am hanging my head in shame right now. Do you see the grease dripping off it?As I pulled in I noticed that America does not run on Dunkin', at least not after 5 p.m. No, it runs on McDonald's. The line of cars at the drive-thru was long. At our turn I placed our order and proceeded to sit. And sit. We sat at the speaker … [Read more...]
Lord of the Gourds
Yes, really. I got sucked in to some alternate universe last night where I watched for almost a full hour people who are obsessed with pumpkins. Ahem...GIANT pumpkins. These are no ordinary pumpkins people, nor or these growers ordinary.Entranced I was by the unbreakable stares these people had as they watched, yes watched, their pumpkins grow. Did you know that some giant varieties can grow up to 50 lbs in a day?! I know! Mad, I tell you, mad! I found my mouth just hanging open as I watched one man lovingly place Barney blankets on his special fruits daily and then proceed to wrap himself in those very same blankets as he silently stared those orange beauties down for a spell.There was an entirely all too seductive instrumental sequence where one man, much like Quint from Jaws, oiled and … [Read more...]