As we move into the new year, let’s get one thing straight. I’m living with Lyme Disease. There I said it. I’m opening up about it more as we move into 2018. Living with Lyme disease means something different for everyone but for me, it means making this year the year of healing.
It means a lot of guest posting on here too. Lol. Because truthfully since I was diagnosed for the second time in May, my life began to unravel. I didn’t take the time to heal like I did last summer (where I really believe I conquered it) when I got bit the first time. I didn’t rest like before. I kept pushing my mind and my body. All summer I went full force. Fall rolled around I continued to do the same creating a schedule that would double my work hours. And I crashed. Hard.
I thought I was invincible. I’m not.
The beginning of the end of my old life started went running my favorite race. My body just wouldn’t allow me to run a 5k. Something that a month before that was easy. From there I spiraled downward into panic attacks, crying uncontrollably, in bed a week with severe pain and continuous doctor appointments. My body was failing me and my mind felt like it was going with it. Not one doctor seemed to understand or be able to help. I can’t even describe the bizarre and never-ending symptoms that piled on me as I went through each minute, hour and day. That saying “one day at a time” had to be one minute at a time, one hour at a time on a good day.
The decision had to be made. Changes were on the horizon. A new way of life had to be forged.
One night after dinner as the kids busied themselves elsewhere my husband and parents (they were up often to help out and continue to do so now.) sat me down and asked me to consider taking a year off. No work, just rest, finding out what was wrong with me and healing. Heal the body, heal the mind, and heal the soul.
Three Months Later
You know how to meet your deductible in record time? Get Lyme disease. Or any illness that requires you going to the doctor and lab on an almost daily basis. I seriously wish this was a joke but from October until January this was my life. Lab tests, poked, prodded, too tired to drive to the doctor or sitting in the parking lot of yet another doctor office crying because once again they didn’t know what was wrong with me.
I always asked if this was Lyme disease. I was always met with confusion, laughter, pity or denial. They didn’t know enough about the disease. I should go see another type of specialist. I should be cured since I took double the amount of meds for Lyme. It was maddening and I felt futile, depressed and impossibly tired. The pain was debilitating and the while the idea of not working felt foreign initially, I now welcomed it. I just didn’t have it in me.
My life was really Netflix and chill. I read a lot of books. I stopped doing the things I loved because I was just too damn tired. I cried every day. I grew desperate. Why Can’t I Get Better? Wasn’t I sick long enough? Yet, the fight in me that pushed me to get better the first time around seemed to have evaporated. I felt like I wasn’t even me anymore.
In December things began to look up. It was time to see the blessings in life on a daily basis. I may be tired and in pain but I’m able to rest and not work. I’m there for my kids more even if I can’t drive them everywhere like I used to do. Our life is quieter and my introverted-self feels calmer than it has in years. I feel more peaceful than I have in a decade. I know that saying no is just fine. And I have a new doctor that I found on a Lyme blog (naturally) who has cleared up a lot of my brain fog (I forget everything including words or how to use a hair elastic, etc), relieved a lot of the pain and my energy has started to come back little by little.
I’m a long way from “all better” or 100% Vicky but I have hope. Hope for 2018 and healing. That’s all I can ask for right now and that’s OK.
Fashion Loves for my Lyme Life
People with Lyme disease are often in pain, feel cold and are really tired. We want comfort and warmth. Know a person with Lyme disease or another chronic illness? You might want to send a blanket scarf or pair of fuzzy socks their way. It would mean the world to them.
*Disclosure: TMC was not paid for this post. Affiliate links are used. Opinions are 100% my own.