OK. So I’m not giving away free counseling sessions or anything like that. But I realized yesterday that frequently people ask me, “How is marriage counseling going these days?” Yes, people do really ask me this. My most common reply is this, “You know, no one ever teaches you how to be married. It’s going really well. I don’t know why more people don’t do it.”
It’s true. They say that what you see from your parents relationship imprints itself on you as the model for how relationships and/or marriage should be. However, that is a faulty template. You were a child not seeing the whole picture of that relationship. Almost as if you were the Titanic seeing only the tip of the iceberg and not what was lying just below the surface. As a child you were immature and could not process things in the same way and it makes for a skewed vision of that relationship. Yet that is what you do take away and use later in life. It’s not complete. Your training is not complete either.
You need a Yoda, if you will, to guide you and create a force in your marriage that builds up reserves and ways to handle your own unique relationship and personalities. What works for some isn’t what works for all. Relationships are not one size fits all. Trust me, I see my friends and sometimes think, “Really? You like that shirt?” or “You don’t mind that your spouse does that?” They truly don’t mind that the other person does those things or acts that way. They like striped shirts with polka dots.
We go to school to learn the basics. We get on the job training. It’s all totally acceptable. So why is their such a stigma about seeking help whether it is for your marriage, PTSD or some other problem you may be facing?