After riding behind someone driving a Nissan Xterra who put their hazard lights on to drive through slush, grocery shopping through the holiday melee and putting up a good sweat at the gym I felt a bit addled yesterday. Wanting to beat someone for driving badly in slush is not on par for this time of year. My black heart was still neatly intact. I needed to squelch this irritable air. Fast.
I unpacked the groceries, skipping over the black ice, fed the kids lunch and then put them down for naps. Instead of running to my laptop to get work done, putting away laundry, toys or cleaning up other areas of the house and our life, I grabbed a copy of Elle and a cup of coffee. Then I sat my butt down on the couch and read the rest of the magazine, which I had been trying to do for weeks. When that was done, I put my feet up and picked up the Travel and Style & Arts section of Sunday’s paper. I didn’t get up and do other things halfway through it either. I refused to get distracted. I looked out the window, I sipped my next hot drink and read some more. I read until I was done.
I took a break.
Guess what? I felt immensely better too. My frame of mind was much more positive. I felt a bit like a moron for realizing that what I probably need to do is ‘take a lunch break’ each day instead of eating while standing as I feed the kids. When I mentioned this to H he went on about how multi-tasking doesn’t work… umm.. yeah. Not exactly my point. My point is that I feel guilty for ever sitting down during the day. Even to eat. I feel that staying home with the kids and working from home isn’t enough work to allow for a break. Because isn’t that all I do all day anyway? You know, frolic with the kids, eat sand from the sandbox with them and make cookies all day. Why sit and collect my thoughts when I need to fold dish towels and clean
toilets, make beds, prepare food and run errands? Or try and find new work and keep up with the work I have. Oh, and those kids. I need to like read them stories and stuff. Block castles don’t build themselves.
Not taking a break? It’s crazy. Everyone needs it, but the guilt I feel is still there despite knowing I need it.